Big life changes ahead
They say having kids changes everything
Dear readers,
It's been so long since I last wrote that I'm not going to bother filling you in on all the details. I'll stick to the headlines, the biggest one being: baby Eddie! Eddie was born on March 10th in the comfort of our own home. I'd like to write about the birth at some point because it was a very special moment but I'm not sure this newsletter is the place for it.
So, what is there to write about? I'm feeling a little blank today, which is perhaps not the best state to be in when you want to sit down and write something. On the other hand, I sometimes feel that when I'm feeling a little tired (OK, more like pretty damn tired), I care less about what people think, which in turn makes it easier to put words on the page.
This brings me to the next big update: we've decided to move. We're moving to Kent, England, to be closer to Tom's side of the family so that we can have some more support with the kids and, hopefully, eventually, when we’re not feeling so battered by every day life, provide support in return.
It was a few weeks after Eddie's birth, when we were going through a relatively smooth period with both boys that Tom and I both acknowledged that something had to change.
Moving closer to family wasn't the only option we considered. Before landing on Kent, I spent some time looking into co-housing and communal living situations. The thought appealed to me (and still does) and I would pursue it further if we didn't already have family that want to be more involved.
We had just had a string of back-to-back family visits and were expecting several more and so, were in a very lucky place. Perhaps, it was the 24/7 support in those early weeks that gave us the space to think about things — it definitely did in my case, as I remember having a long conversation about community with my mother as she held Eddie in an armchair and I lay in bed.
I think we could also see that the type of support we were benefitting from in those early days was unsustainable. Yes, family would continue to visit but it would never be as often as we needed it and it was rarely spontaneous.
And, without wanting to sound ungrateful, family visits often leave little room to have your own space (which is fine in the short term but can become an issue over a prolonged period unless you take the time to sit down and come up with some shared living agreements). We're expecting living closer to family will mean shorter but more frequent visits, not to mention making it easier for us to pay visits in return.
I've also noticed that I really enjoy being at home by myself. Not just in a room by myself, but in the entire apartment. I think it's the introvert in me who really needs that space and alone time to recharge her batteries. And this is something that also never happens in our current living situation, where help with the kids often translates to help at home and not outside the home.
The above mainly reflects the benefits I can foresee for us as parents, but what about for the kids? Moving means they'll be able to cultivate relationships with other family members more easily. Living away from family hasn't stopped Paul from doing this already, but I'm curious to see how things will evolve when he's able to see some family members more often and without us, his parents, always around.
Leaving Berlin after 10 years is difficult and logistically complicated, but the decision feels right deep in my belly, and that's what I tend to listen to these days.
Take care,
Alicia
PS. This entire post was written and formatted on my phone with a baby on my lap 😉