I have a problem: I don’t like peanuts anymore. In case you’ve forgotten, this newsletter is called the Peanut Diaries. And if that wasn’t enough, a lot of my social media presence is under the name “lonelypeanut”. Like my Twitter handle for example. You see, peanuts were a very big part of my life until I got pregnant. Then, suddenly, from one day to the next, the sight of them made me queasy. So yes, we have a problem.
At first, I thought things would go back to normal once the nausea subsided. Indeed, peanuts were not the only foodstuff I recoiled from during the second half of my first trimester. The list was long: tofu, bananas, all varieties of nuts, fried foods, raw vegetables… The list was so long that it sometimes felt like the only food I could reliably turn to were potatoes—and boiled potatoes at that.
But when week 13 finally rolled around and I found myself cutting up a banana to put in my morning cereal, the sight of the jar of peanut butter on the breakfast table was still too much. I covered it with my napkin and pretended it wasn’t there. Thankfully, I soon found out that all other nuts had been rehabilitated to their previous status (the only nut that took a bit longer was the Brazil nut, probably on account of its richness).
So here’s the dilemma: do I wait and see if my aversion to peanuts goes away? I’ve been told there’s a chance things might go back to normal after the birth. But what if they don’t? Assuming I write a newsletter every week until the baby comes, that’s potentially 20 newsletters under a name that makes my stomach turn every time I dwell on it. I think the answer is pretty clear: the name has to go, and so does the tag line, “Life bits from a peanut butter junkie”. But what to replace it with?
I recently had to make up a username for the vegan food app HappyCow. I went with “pintobean” because it feels quite similar to “peanut”, but then what if Tom and I decide to have a second baby and in a cruel turn of events I develop an aversion to beans? First rule: no foodstuffs. So back to the drawing board…
In the meantime, here’s a quick update on the books I’m reading:
I just finished Zami by Audre Lorde: I loved it. Her writing is beautiful and raw. She writes about her experience as a black lesbian woman growing up in 40s and 50s America—a lot of pain, but also deep love and joy.
Still reading Nine Lies About Work.
I’ve joined the waitlist for the French book that’s causing a lot of controversy 😄 Moi les hommes je les déteste.